Are Your Expectations the Problem?

About a year ago I really started praying about my relationships with people and why some had anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, tension, etc. What God revealed to me was really not a shock, but was a light bulb moment that completely changed me and all my relationships. So let me explain …

I think the thing I love about the Old Testament Stories and the lessons we learn from the Pharisees attacks on Jesus were how God used people we wouldn’t expect (a girl like Esther, a simple soldier like Joshua), people we would judge (like the pharisees judged), people with a past (a prostitute like Rahab), etc. Thinking about these people and their stories and even the parables Jesus told, I became curious about what the word Grace meant in Hebrew or Greek.  I found that in the Old Testament the word used is chesed meaning deliverance from enemies, affliction, or adversity. It can also mean enablement, daily guidance, forgiveness, and preservation. In the New Testament the word used is Charis, which focuses on the provision of salvation.

Let’s LOOK and THINK on that for a moment … chesed word in the Old Testament for Grace DELIVERANCE FROM ENEMIES … FROM AFFLICTION … FROM ADVERSITY.  So, by Grace I am delivered from my enemies, from affliction, from adversity. WHEN I extend GRACE (chesed can also mean forgiveness) I am DELIVERED. Are you holding onto unforgiveness that could deliver you … could FREE YOU?

NEXT LOOK and THINK about charis the New Testament word for Grace a provision for salvation … PROVIDES SALVATION … extending grace provides ME WITH SALVATION!!! Again, are you holding onto bitterness, anger, tension …. that if you extended grace/forgiveness would SET YOU FREE??

Okay, so after you have a hold of anything that is keeping you from real freedom move on in reading. 

So, I have in mind those people or circumstances that get me all hot and bothered … irritated … down right angry. Am I free? NOPE! Here is how He tied together my life verse and little tid-bits I pulled from Bible Studies. How He brought ME freedom from the bondage of my anger, bitterness, etc. So, here is what God revealed to me in that moment.


I can truthfully say it wasn’t a shocker, but I did cry. Just let the tears fall as I seen everything in my life in a new and different way. As my heart softened toward every person in my life…in my world…in the world. NOW to add I am not talking about giving a free pass to evil … The Holy Spirit gives us Discernment for a reason. So, let me explain what I mean …

That person or circumstance that brings up all those negative emotions that let’s be honest keep us in bondage … keep us from truly living a full life…do we feel what we feel about them or the event because of our expectations of how one should behave? How the event should have gone? How evil the person was that violated you? How God took that person from here rather than protecting them or curing them? Etc…

So, really take time to think about that right now….how do your expectations of your self, parents, children, relatives, friends, neighbors, church members, leaders, etc….. play into those negative feelings? 

So, NOW you have the negative feeling named and you have identified your own ROLE in that situation. How your expectations played a part? Here now is where we get real … you can not control anyone ever!!

This is why God frees us by our own actions alone! So, someone violates you … by forgiving them does nothing for them it FREES YOU. By realizing you expect people to never hurt another person does not take into account the real power of evil in our world…it does not take into account the control mental illness plays in the lives of others. AGAIN … I am not giving a free pass, but what I am saying is God frees you when you forgive and LET HIM handle the other side…the other person. You get to move on and live the full life He has for you.

I expect God to take away all the suffering TODAY … I am me … He is God. He loves beyond my understanding. He knows beyond my understanding. He gave more than I can ever give. Who am I to expect anything more that what He promised with a Baby and a Cross … TO LOVE ME NO MATTER WHAT.

So, here I am in my expectations … I expect myself to be my best ALL THE TIME, I expect my husband to be romantic and spend plan great date nights, I expect our parents to love taking the kids so we can have date nights regularly, I expect my friends to know I am in need of a hug or a text, I expect my kids to always be awesome, etc …. OKAY NOW I AM LAUGHING OUT LOUD … I expect my neighbors to not be racist, I expect my government leaders to follow the Lord and do His will, I expect the people who disagree with me to know we both still deserve our rights, etc ..

I realized that these expectations were what was hurting all my relationships. I would get upset at a person for NOT doing or behaving what I expected of them and there a wedge would be built. Built on anger or frustration the devil will use because I opened the door for him to use it. These expectations of the people, who legitimately hurt me and deserved punishment. Here I expected that their punishment would set me free. Or I expected that person to be something they really never were. Regardless though … by focusing on the situation or the person and how I expected it all to play out I was not free. To be free I had to extend Grace … let go of my expectations and leave them to God.

So, is it clear yet how our expectations HOLD US IN BONDAGE …. are the problem? Maybe, but one more point … why our expectations are a bit silly when we think of how God has used people or circumstances to bring freedom…a freedom that changes worlds … that lasts beyond generations.

Now how he connected some dots for me … The past 5 years I have LOVED doing a Jesse Tree during Advent with our kids. I was just fascinated by the lineage of Jesus and the journey of our faithful ancestors while they waited thousands of years for a savior. That is powerful to me … THOUSANDS of years … I struggle with thinking we have only waiting 2000 years for a 2nd coming…THE FINAL coming.

What helped me get free was reading through the grace God extended in His journey to bringing us Jesus … in the people He CHOSE to use. When I look at this I get a clear image of how WRONG I am in expecting things of people when they are just unable to give for reasons I may never know. Or expecting people CANNOT do something because of my perceptions or what I expect of people “like them” when God has an awesome plan for them.

My life verse comes from the book of Esther. One day before my class had started I was praying and asking God why I was here … here teaching a struggling group of kids … here in my life facing what I was facing… I randomly opened my Bible to Mordecai telling Esther “Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?” Different translations word it a bit differently …”maybe you were born for just such a time as this?”  I have looked at me life differently from that point forward. YES I WAS BORN IN THIS TIME FOR A REASON … FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS. Esther was a simple girl, a Jew, that became a queen, a chosen queen. She was not only chosen by the king, but she was born for such a time chosen by THE KING to set her people free. A poor simple girl reached out from where she was to the poor and suffering to free them…to help raise them up. She set aside her expectations of herself, of the king, and she responded to God’s call and The Blessings came!

When I was studying the book of Joshua I met a prostitute named Rahab that stuck with me. When working on the Jesse Tree I came to understand why … she was one of Jesus’ ancestors. Yes, she was a desperate sinful women that seen these men planning their attack on her city, BUT somehow she knew they would in fact destroy her city. She helped them, she reached out and saved them, saved her family, … she was born for such a time and she responded to God’s call on her life. She was forgiven and she became a many Great-Grandmother to THE KING. God chose a prostitute to help carry on the lineage of Jesus. God chose a prostitute to help carry His will … to eventually bring me a savior.

Now I could share more stories for the imperfect people God chose to do great things, to be apart of Jesus’ lineage, but my point is … we hold onto so much because we expect so much or so little … God just wants us to be willing to be used. To be free of all bondage so He can use us to the fullest. To let go and willingly run into His arms and be blessed with a pure full unhindered love … a life beyond our dreams.

Now take some time to let go of expectations … let go of the emotions attached to them … focus on listening to His call … RUN TO HIM and say “Lord, I was born for such a time as this USE me!”



It Is Time To … Live Full Walk Free

As my regular readers know I journal more than I write. So, if this is your first time reading my blog please know that I just let the words flow and try to make it readable later. Hopefully, you enjoy.

This past September I had made plans for others to take care of our kids while I attended a Women’s Retreat at Grace Adventures. As the weekend came closer I realized I never received a confirmation notice. I brushed it off thinking it would arrive the week prior. When it did not I thought I should call to check on things, but I was also beginning to wonder if I really wanted to go…all by myself. After talking to someone at Grace I learned I was in fact not registered, but there was still room. My head was saying “Just stay home. Save the money.” My gut was saying “Go! Go! Go!” I learned a long time ago to pick up my anxiety, emotion, and listen to my gut…so planning to go continued. Oh, and by the way I just picked the weekend that worked for my parents to have the kids I never even looked at who the speaker was going to be. It would be a random weekend away all by myself. Enough with the back story…


The Key Note Speaker that weekend was Cindy Bultema, who would be sharing with us four times that weekend (5 if you attended her break out session) from the book of 1 Corinthian’s, is from west Michigan, a writer/speaker, a wife, and Mom of four kids.  I can’t say it was a POWERFUL weekend for myself, but I can say that it was a weekend I needed to move myself forward in my own thoughts about serving others. I did LOVE Cindy’s talk and learned a GREAT deal about what was happening in Corinth when Paul wrote these letters. I watched as many women made huge steps forward in their own faith, in their own walk with Jesus, and in their journey to shed shame, guilt, and negative self-talk. It was a weekend I needed for many reasons and I pray it was the beginning of a next phase in my own journey, but for me watching the work God did in the lives of others was awe inspiring.

I came home and immediately started a bible study in my home. I stepped out and trusted God to lead those that needed the time in His word, needed time with other women, or were searching for something, through my door. It was an emotional time for me to just put it out there and I can’t explain how my heart rejoiced as others joined me. Going through that eight weeks with three other ladies and starting a Facebook group that others joined through was a blessing that filled all of our hearts. We completed Cindy’s study Red Hot Faith during the time I was blessed to be apart of the launch team for Cindy’s new Bible Study Live Full Walk Free. This new study was where she pulled her talk from for the weekend retreat that impacted women for Him and I am sure it tore down walls that were keeping them from being all He made them to be.  I want that for everyone…for all of you!!

I have not completely read the study, because I wanted to go through it with my Bible Study in February. I did skim through it and loved what I found in those 60,000 words!!! My heart truly believes this study will impact many for our Lord. Cindy worked very hard on this, she allowed God to lead her, and she struggled to get it written all for HIM to reach YOU…YOU, ME, and EVERYONE that goes through it.

Before I end I wanted to share some of Cindy’s thoughts…

Can you tell us a little bit about your new study and why you chose to use Corinth?

Live Full, Walk Free: Set Apart in a Sin-Soaked World is a six-session Bible study book and DVD series based on 1 Corinthians. I love how God’s Word contains instructions on every (yes, every) situation we might face in life—even instructing us on how to live set-apart lives right in the middle of today’s confused culture. Whether women have been studying the Bible for decades, or are still trying to figure this “Jesus thing” out, I hope they’ll find relevant material that meet them right where they are on their spiritual journey.

I picked 1 Corinthians because Paul wrote this letter to church members living in the “Sin City” of their day. (So when you see 1st & 2nd Corinthians, think 1st & 2nd Las Vegas!) The church members in Corinth were surrounded by immorality, idolatry and indulgence, much like our culture today. Together we can learn from Paul’s wisdom to the Corinthians as he addressed issues such as identity, unity, purpose, purity, as well as overcoming temptations. Good stuff!

What do you hope readers glean from Live Full, Walk Free?

Freedom in every area of their life—including their sexuality. I often meet women who are weighed down by the pain and humiliation of their sexual pasts, even many years later. I’ve shed tears with countless friends who expressed feeling intense guilt for premarital sex, having an abortion, affair, or other sexual sins. I’ve walked with beautiful women who disclosed their excruciating stories of childhood sexual victimization. They know it’s not their fault, they should “move on.” They’ve tried to live forgiven and free, yet, they can’t shake the shame.

Unfortunately I think sex is one of Satan’s favorite lures. Clearly he’s using sexual sin to hook our culture:  Porn is rampant, sexting among teens is commonplace, and we can’t even go to the grocery store for salad fixings without seeing sexual images on the covers of checkout magazines.

For many women, living in our sex-crazed culture has drastically impacted one’s ability to live full and walk free. Trust me: I get it. For a girl like me with a past like mine, I know what it’s like to be burdened with regret, disappointment, heavy hurts. No judgment here, only grace.

This I know based on the authority of God’s Word: no matter what you have done, or what has been done to you—Jesus Christ came so you might live full and walk free. You are not the one woman who has outsinned the grace and mercy of God. There is no one too far gone from God’s amazing grace!

With over 15 years of ministry experience, Cindy is a popular women’s speaker, author, and Bible teacher. But don’t let her cheerful smile fool you—Cindy has endured single parenting, overcome bondage to addiction, and survived tragic loss.Cindy’s latest Bible study, Live Full Walk Free was released in December 2016. Cindy lives in Michigan with her husband and their four kids. Most days you can find Cindy walking her beagle Rocky, attending one of her boys’ hockey games, or serving hot lunch at her kids’ school.

Once we get into the study I will be sharing live about the study on my #LateNightTruthChats via Facebook Live on my blog page. Please click the link to like my page and get notifications to hear those chats to learn more about my thoughts on this study and … well whatever I am led to share. Until then please check out the link below and get your own copy of Cindy’s beautiful book. If you want to join a group you are welcome in my home or to join our Facebook Bible Study Group just let me know!! Otherwise, like ALWAYS know I am praying for you and PLEASE pray for Cindy and I!!


Find out more about Cindy’s new Bible study, Live Full Walk Free, plus download freebies for your own journey through 1 Corinthians here:

How Do I Know It Is You God?

In the last month I have been shown how I was looking at my calling a bit wrong. Not all wrong, but wrong enough that is was messing up my direction. So, I thought instead of journaling through it in my journal I would journal through it with you all. Then as I crisp up my own understanding you might gain some insight into your own world.

I have been hosting a bible study in my home and the first one we decided to do was Red Hot Faith by Cindy Bultema.  One of the points of discussion had to do with eliminating blind spots.  Blind Spots are things that keep us from achieving our best for God, but the hard part about this is that these are ‘blind spots’. We can go our entire lives and never know they even exist. When I first read this I had to take a few weeks to sort through this idea and reflect on my own life to determine what blind spots were hiding in my life.  My gut was telling me there was definitely a blind spot that God was working to reveal to me.

Just before Christmas we went to visit some family that was in town to do some sledding. While there my Aunt asked me if I followed Father Joe, a cousin to her and my Mom, on Facebook. I do, so I replied, “Yes, but hadn’t checked in lately.” She proceeded to comment that his post earlier that week was really nice. Later that night, I checked his post out. In it he discusses ways we know it is God we are listening to. One of the points he mentioned was that if it is God calling us to do something that there will be sacrifice involved. Just reading his words caused a light bulb to come on for me. It was like a gap was connected for me. Yes, I always knew the idea of the road less traveled or the road with dips and turns, bumps and obstacles, verses the easy road, but I guess this was a blind spot for me as I needed that word SACRIFICE to connect a dot for my brain. I suddenly realized why I was struggling with “Is God calling me or isn’t He. Nothing seems to be falling into place. I am not having time to do something.” Well, duh I need to make some sacrifice to make it happen and it isn’t going to be easy.

THE BACK STORY … Growing up I always heard how if it was Gods plan everything would just fall into place. Well, that is not entirely true. Yes, God will open and close doors, but He needs you to travel the path to get to the door AND you need to open it. Or you need to acknowledge the door is closed and seek out the one He desires for you to open. The journey to those open doors will include sacrifice.

What is strange for me about this is that I KNEW all is from experience. When we decided I was going to stay home we had to make a sacrifice of a second income. When we decided to homeschool we had to make more sacrifices to put money into curriculum, learn to live with a messy home, my own time would be consumed by kids, etc. When I say this to you I can honestly say there are hard days, but the good and great days far out weighed the bad and instead of sacrifice it is blessing. So, why I did not see that sacrifice would need to be made in this next phase or direction He was leading us? I have no idea. Well, actually maybe because I never thought ahead about any of those previous decisions. They were just what we were going to do and we never looked at any of it as a sacrifice. Where as this time around I know it needs to be done, but I am feeling the struggle much more than before.

It feels good when you head in the right direction and when there are struggles God gives you affirmation that you are on the right path, He is with you, and He will get you through it. JUST TRUST HIM. I have been fortunate to have a group of amazing ladies praying for me and feeding me with encouragement through this. Then I have had some crazy random Holy Spirit FILLED moments that SHOUTED I was doing the right thing. Including writing this post, I finished typing the rough draft last night, this morning I woke up to the below photo shared by Molly Green and knew I was still on the right path. So, now I set editing, which is funny since I am HORRIBLE at that, and adding in links to BEAUTIFUL people you should check out for some of your own encouragement.


So, is God calling you? Are you listening to God? One part of knowing is if it will require you to make a sacrifice. If you aren’t hearing Him maybe check yourself for blind spots…things in your life, up bringing, thought patterns, etc that are keeping you from reaching out to Him. Find someone that can help you sort through it all…journal to Him.

NOTE: I am NOT an affiliate with any of the above people, companies, etc. I just love them and want to share them with you AND they are apart of the reason I had a wonderful light bulb moment. Also, here is a link to Father Joe’s column in Faith Magazine.

A Moment

Just a moment can change your life. Everyone has defining moments. What are yours? Have you put them in perspective? Have you allowed them to define your life or you? Have you let them moment consume you?

See some people think that allowing a moment define you or your life means that you have allowed yourself to dwell on that moment. Not at all…dwelling on or living in means you have parked yourself in that moment. Having a defining moment or several moments means that you have experienced the moment to its fullest good or bad, then you have allowed God to use that moment to move you where He needed to move you. Have you felt God move you?

I have, but most of the time it is when I look back and I see that He moved me. When you are in a moment many times it can be so consuming that you might know He is there, but you simply do not know or feel Him working until time has past and you can look back.

Moments that forever change the way you look at or understand pretty much everything around you.

Moments that forever change the way you love people.

Moments that forever change what you believe to be true.

Moments that forever change the look in your eyes.

Moments that forever change things like what you read, eat, watch, etc.

Moments that forever change where you live.

Moments that change YOU and YOUR perspective…view of YOUR world.

My moments have made me the me I am today. My moments drive me and I feel God behind the wheel as He turns those moments…those defining moments…into something He is using for His plan.

So, look at your defining moments, leave them as the moment, and FEEL HIM working them for good.

Please Pray for me I am praying for you.


In Weakness Is Strength

Dear Lord,

As you know I have been having a recurring dream that I am pretty sure is your way of communicating with that part of me that is hidden from my conscious mind, from my will, from my own fears and doubts, and from my insecurities. I am pretty sure you a revealing some very powerful and awesome things. Yet, we still have some work to do. The amazing thing though is that I have already learned a great deal about myself and have grown tremendously in my faith in the gifts you have given me. I am just not sure yet where you are leading me. Until then the most powerful thing that I am working on I found in your word and then a dear friend in a completely random message the next day said to me

“He helps us in our weaknesses!”

and the verse the night before that struck me and became the subject of my journal post that night about was

“Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ, for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:10

I get it that of course I am weak. I get it that of course there will be days filled with more than I can handle. I get it that though it is more than I can handle YOU, YOU MY LORD, are always there next to me holding my hand, leading me, maybe even carrying me. I am weak, but because of you next to me I AM STRONG. 

Lord, I am pretty sure most Moms and probably Dads feel weak ALL THE TIME…please Lord help them to feel You and feel STRONG with You. Help us when we are crying as we wash the dishes. Help us when as we are folding laundry we are wondering if anyone appreciates how neatly we do this tedious job. Help us when we pull away from the house feeling horribly guilty for going to work, taking a break time, or doing anything without them. Help us when we are on our knees completely lost and can’t hear You. Help us when we are so angry we raise a hand. PLEASE stop the hand! Help us when we are so tired we go about the day in a complete fog. Help us when we are sick with nobody to help us take care of them. Lord…help us … when we are weak to KNOW we are STRONG because in every moment you are there waiting for us to call on You.

I am weak everyday. I am stronger in my weakness. Kelly


I am praying for you please pray for me…for weakness as that is where there is strength.

I Will Pray For You

I am someone that prays all the time. If I wasn’t talking to Jesus all the time in my little head and heart, then I am not sure how I would get through my day. I DO NOT SAY that to proclaim anything or to say I am a better than anyone. In fact, I know I am not better than and that I am imperfect so I NEED to pray. Yet, it seems when I tell people I am praying for them sometimes they get this glazed over look. I will not presume to know what each person’s glazed over look means. I am sure something different for everyone. Yet, for the sake of discussion lets assume some meanings.

First of all, maybe it is a feeling a “AWE”. They are feeling so overwhelmed with joy that someone is going to honor them by taking time to pray for them that they are just speechless and shocked with wonder. I am sure this is even more so when someone is in great need of prayer and isn’t afraid to admit it.

Secondly, I think maybe for some people they have never had anyone offer to pray for them or even with them. This happened to me once. I was never raised to just grab someone’s hands and offer to pray for them them. Yet, God has placed MANY people in my life over the past 20 years that do this without hesitation and it has rubbed off on me. So, maybe that look is a glazed over look from shock or surprise.

Thirdly, maybe that person is wondering “Why in the heck are you praying for me? Do you think I need praying for? Who are you to pray for me? You are a sinner yourself?” WOW…maybe all that, more or less, but I am sure sometimes the glazed over look is from them feeling insulted or offended. I suppose then their glazed over look is from them choosing to keep their emotions behind the glaze.

Whatever the reason it seems telling someone, that isn’t struggling with something and ASKING for prayers, that you are going to or are praying for them just sits funny with people. Do it anyway! People we all need all the prayers we can get. Plus, we all need to be praying for as many people and situations as we can. It is what we are all called to do. Sure we all have our own spiritual gifts and talents that God gave us to use. For some prayer is stronger. Yet, the ONE THING we ALL are called to do is pray and serve each other. What is the easiest or maybe for some the hardest way to serve one another….PRAY FOR THEM.

FINAL THOUGHTS…so if someone tells you they are praying for you just take it as them showing their Christlike Love for you. Accept it for what it is PRAYER.

God Bless! I am PRAYING for you PLEASE PRAY for me!

Mom, Do You Need Time Away?

I wrote the italic portion on October 10, 2014. I suppose there was a reason I never posted it until now. Maybe that I simply needed to reread it this evening as I prepare it to post tomorrow. I recall the evening I typed it. The words came to my head almost faster than I could type them. That weekend I felt closer to God than I had in a very long time.

So, I am here sitting out at Silver Lake at the Dunes knowing the beautiful Lake Michigan is on the other side. I am here by myself for myself to have alone time with my mind and my God. I am loving the sound of the waves. The smell of the brisk fresh air. Praying that God reveals many things to me this weekend, but mostly right now as I type what he needs you to hear.

Today, right now, He NEEDS you Mom’s to know that He treasures you like He treasures His own Momma Mary. He regards her with great honor and He feels the same for you.  See you are doing the same for your little’s that Mary did for Him. What is that? You are doing the best you can with what you have. You are teaching and guiding them the best you can with what you know. You search and reach for all you can learn, earn, and achieve so you can give them all they deserve, desire, and dream. You let God lead you each day to discover THEIR reason for being. You let God lead you to help Him mold them into where He needs them to be each day.

He wants you to know that He led others to help you. He wants you to know that it is a must for you to be alone with Him. To rest your body, mind, and soul. He/They need you to revive your spirit. To connect with Him so He can connect to them through you. It is okay. It is NOT being selfish to clear your heart and mind for a period of time. In fact, if you recall Jesus needed to and was called by God to do just that several times. Before Jesus there were Moses, Joshua, Abraham, David, Mary, Elizabeth, etc that were called to be alone with Him. To take a break from the demands of their role among the people to draw closer to God and His desires for them. To clearly see the visions God had for them.

Do you have to be gone for 60 hours at a Women’s Retreat on a lake like I am right now. NOPE…in fact this is my first time away from home, kids, husband, and family in 16 years. I have been in my home in our home town by myself, which was always very refreshing. That was perfect for me back them. Now though I have come to realize I can not send the kids to Grandma’s and just stay home. Why? Because for me I would find something that needed to be done. For this time in my life I need to be here…away…to be bored, to relax that I have not relaxed in a long time. Hey, and to be sharing with you all.

My first session starts at 8 pm. So, I am concluding Part 1 with this. He wants you to know He loves you beyond any feeling you can imagine, but more than even that He wants you to know to love Him so much that you can also love yourself enough to be alone.  Hmmm….enough to be alone….a thought to ponder….

I do have more I typed that weekend and I am sure I will post soon.

God Bless! I am praying for you please pray for me!

Who, but God, Knew … – Part 3

Who, but God, knew that after that third miscarriage that led to a DNC, which I later learned nearly killed me, that baby number two was on the way. Who, but God, knew that six months later around our baby boy’s second birthday we would become pregnant with child number two. For the first time, I really understood my husband’s need to keep things quiet. Yet, for me it wasn’t about myself so much as the pain of telling other people of our lose over and over again. Yet, God knew the baby names would start forming in our heads. Things were really happening.

It was a sad time for us that year. Who, but God, knew that my Grandma would pass away shortly after we found out we were expecting. My father-in-law would be battling cancer. Then just before our new baby arrived my Grandpa would pass away. We welcomed baby #2 into the world the day after our anniversary and just before Christmas. Who, but God, knew that we would have to be rushed into an emergency c-section as both of our hearts were dropping with each contraction. Who, but God, knew that watching my father-in-law hold her would be treasured memories as he would leave us just 3 days after we had her baptized. Who, but God, Knew this little one would bring a great deal of joy during a sad time.

We had 9 months of pure joy with our two beautiful children…when what out of the blue…Who, BUT GOD, knew baby number 3 was on the way. Yet, ONLY GOD knew that she would have to be a fighter to make it into the world. It was the Monday before Thanksgiving when the bleeding started. I left my classroom that day and God Knew it would be the last day I would teach in a classroom. They told me that day I would most likely miscarry the child. I recall looking at the doctor and saying “No disrespect, but I have had 4 miscarriages and this baby is a fighter we will have no miscarriage here.” Bed rest it was for me for two weeks while praying my rosary all the time, talking to God, and loving this baby. Then I was cleared to get up and about, but pretty much could do nothing for 2 more months. Until they told me we would in fact be having this baby. Who, but God, knew that Baby #3 would arrive 17 months, 17 days after #2 was born. Who, but God, knew that this Baby #3 would need me to look her in the eye at age 6 with tears in both our eyes as I tell her “Honey, it is okay to quit fighting. Let your little spirit rest. You made it here. We love you … you don’t have to be the fighter anymore.” I wish I could explain that moment. It was a true Holy Spirit moment as I watched her just become lighter and a smile like I have never seen before grow on her face and in her eyes. Who, but God, Knew that moment would happen and the power it would have on the two of us in so many ways. He knew we both needed that moment.

To Be Continued….

God Bless! Praying for you please pray for me.

Who is Jesus to You?

Part of my Lenten Journey this year I receive daily email devotionals. The other day one was about the Jesus story, where Jesus asks “Who do you say that I am?” In the devotional we are challenged to ask ourselves, “Who is Jesus is to us?”



There are MANY scripture verses that are about Jesus or the prophets or the Apostles or disciples telling us WHO He will be, was and is. Yet, today we should ask ourselves who He is to us. Below is ONE of the verses that struck me just a couple of weeks ago. Then the Lenten devotional. Plus, I have been reading a chapter a night in the Book of Acts. I think God is leading me here to do some reflecting on who He is REALLY to me.


Can I honestly say the portion in John 8:12 that sits with me is the part about not walking in darkness? Have you ever walked in darkness? I think we all have. Let’s not compare how dark it has been for each of us. True compared to me MANY have walked in greater darkness. Yet, I have walked through my own darkness….just like you have. The thing is though that I believe you can not truly escape the darkness or the feelings it left you with UNTIL you except the light Jesus has to offer you. The amount of light and the way He delivers it is different for each of us.

I have also come to understand that there will most likely be more darkness for me and for me family. Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world that allows evil to creep around. So, to get myself and my family through what is now and what is to come I pray without ceasing…I accepted Him as my Lord and Savior into my WHOLE being…I wake EACH morning with “Good Morning my Friend Jesus Lets get to it!”…I end each night with “Thank You for _____ of today.” … See for me He is my Savior, my Light, my Best Friend, my Lover, etc. I get that that will be very strange for so many of you that are reading this, but see we as humans are NEVER enough for each other. We are imperfect. God gives us the blessings of amazing human relationships, but the love that we have for our families, spouses, children, friends, etc will NEVER equal the love He has for us. He will ALWAYS give you perfection that will fill each of your needs. Turn to Him. Seek Him first.



Final Thoughts …. Who is Jesus to You? To me He is my friend, my light, my … heart and soul.

God Bless You! I am praying for you, please pray for me!

How to Take Charge of Your Anxiety

I am NOT AN EXPERT! I simply have a great deal of personal time with Miss. Anxiety and Mr. Stress. Ever have a migraine? Have tension in the neck and shoulders? Hmmm….grind those teeth or maybe a clincher like me? What about crazy fits of anger? Insomnia? Tears? Panic Attack? And the list could go on and on and on, right? How do we stop the ANXIETY????  I can ONLY speak for myself and to say I am still a work in progress and most likely will be until death.

First of all, years ago I simply started understanding myself. I read personality books and continue to read them today. Not only to understand my weaknesses, because I did dwell on those at great length as we must improve, right? Eventually, I am not sure what happened, but I realized it wasn’t the weaknesses I needed to change I needed to focus on using and enhancing my strengths.  Yes, we all have certain things we should change, but those are more bad habits or learned behavior not things the are core to who we are. Once, I learned about my strengths I started to use them to eliminate things that increased my anxiety level. This is something I still work at even today.  My number one strength is order and organization. When things go too long or get to busy and things are out of place I literally feel myself hyperventilate and begin to lose control. So, how do I handle this with kids with active lives. Well, I created spaces that are for them to enjoy their toys and crafts. Then I gave myself permission to set boundaries for them and myself. They can have disorder in their rooms and the basement. We restore order once a month and they must never destroy order in the rest of the house. HA…if that were always true life would be great.  It works most of the time, but let me tell you day 25 of 30 I am near losing it when I walk through that basement to get to the school room. Try allowing space for your kids, your mind, and allow order in those places you see all the time. Learn about yourself and pick that one thing that you are good at. I bet it is also that one thing that raises your anxiety level. Find a way to let go.

Secondly, I make lists this keeps me focused on tasks. If I don’t I have moments that I feel lost on which direction I need to head next…laundry, cleaning, planning, shower…hehehe yes I need to remind myself to shower. Life with four kids, home schooling, activities, gardening, and so on I can go a couple of days before my husband says, “Honey, take a walk and then a shower.”  Or I get caught up doing random things and then forget to do something important, which will bring on guilt and anxiety.  As I write that list I am in my head talking it through with God (more on that). I create a monthly project list and daily to do’s. I also have monthly folders to keep things put away so I do not think or wonder about them until I have to. You know everyone has that pile of cool things you would like to do with your kids at Christmas or a next vacation or a camp they would like. Well, instead of leaving them in a pile to sort through weekly or even daily I place them in file folders labeled by month. Then each month when I do our draw erase calendar, meal plan, etc I pull that folder out and sort through the things to see how everything works together. Some things I keep are even for a few years out. Then I am not worried about forgetting cool ideas for a birthday party or a gift. All this helps me, but I have to be careful not to get to caught up in things to do, which is why I talk to God about it. Let Him lead your day and that lifts all anxiety.

Next, I have this devotional that I love.  A couple years ago I was reading and came across part that talked about allowing God to lead through each day. This I always knew, but it hit my heart and soul that evening. It was freeing to know I could wake up each morning, give the day to God, and follow His lead. I have been pretty good about it, but have days, when like a friend of mine said, “When you have the worst days…the days that just feel like you are battling all day…then surprise the end of the day comes and you realize you were fighting for control all day. If I had just let Him take the lead it would have been a great day.” Yep, I still have days like that, but more and more of them are freeing days where we just go with the flow. It is wonderful and my kids have even commented that Mom has been more fun lately. That makes me happy. Let it go to Him. Let Him lead you. How? Just ask Him to take charge and WAIT, wait on Him to tell you what is next. It may come immediately or take a few minutes, but before you know it you are playing games, doing dishes, folding laundry, doing a science experiment, baking, and whatever He always comes through. Just go with it. TRUST ME everything does get done! That was and still is the hardest thing for me making sure things get done. I have faith in Him that He provides for ALL my needs even the time to do what needs to be done.

Fourth, is simple make time for yourself. Get out of the house even if just for a drive.  Maybe do some form of exercise. Read, journal, and pray. Watch a movie. I have learned that I need to balance this time with people and being alone. Some people NEED people others NEED to be alone. For me to recharge I need to be myself. Yet, I love to have friends and be around people. So, we work to have balance in our relationships and time. Alone time is good for shutting everything down and just listening to your own thoughts. To listen to Him.  MAKE that time for you.

Lastly, the latest thing I have been struggling with is holding myself back from God and all He has for me. How is this causing anxiety? Well, do you ever feel moved to do something, but just think you can’t? Then an inner battle occurs and carries on and on and on. All the while life is happening. I have really been focusing on letting go of fears, guilt, unforgiveness, ideas of perfection, etc. and focusing on where I am holding back or being “disobedient” to God and all He has for me. For example, just last night this verse was part of my Bible study and it brought this journey of letting go of anxiety full circle for me. Yes, back to square one, but so much further along in the journey than 10 years ago.

Here you go, “Beware that your hearts do not become drowsy from carousing and drunkenness and THE ANXIETIES OF DAILY LIFE [caps inserted], and that day catch you by surprise like a trap. For that day will assault everyone who lives on the face of the earth.” Luke 21:34-35

Back to letting go of everything. Each day that I HOLD onto something that keeps me from God it keeps Him from giving me everything He wants to give me that day. Holding on creates the anxiety. For me I have learned my anxiety is self induced. Is yours? GREAT! Then you can fix it!!

WHAT ARE YOU HOLDING ONTO? Like the song says “Let It Go”.

Thanks for reading. Please pray for me I am praying for you!