How Do I Know It Is You God?

In the last month I have been shown how I was looking at my calling a bit wrong. Not all wrong, but wrong enough that is was messing up my direction. So, I thought instead of journaling through it in my journal I would journal through it with you all. Then as I crisp up my own understanding you might gain some insight into your own world.

I have been hosting a bible study in my home and the first one we decided to do was Red Hot Faith by Cindy Bultema.  One of the points of discussion had to do with eliminating blind spots.  Blind Spots are things that keep us from achieving our best for God, but the hard part about this is that these are ‘blind spots’. We can go our entire lives and never know they even exist. When I first read this I had to take a few weeks to sort through this idea and reflect on my own life to determine what blind spots were hiding in my life.  My gut was telling me there was definitely a blind spot that God was working to reveal to me.

Just before Christmas we went to visit some family that was in town to do some sledding. While there my Aunt asked me if I followed Father Joe, a cousin to her and my Mom, on Facebook. I do, so I replied, “Yes, but hadn’t checked in lately.” She proceeded to comment that his post earlier that week was really nice. Later that night, I checked his post out. In it he discusses ways we know it is God we are listening to. One of the points he mentioned was that if it is God calling us to do something that there will be sacrifice involved. Just reading his words caused a light bulb to come on for me. It was like a gap was connected for me. Yes, I always knew the idea of the road less traveled or the road with dips and turns, bumps and obstacles, verses the easy road, but I guess this was a blind spot for me as I needed that word SACRIFICE to connect a dot for my brain. I suddenly realized why I was struggling with “Is God calling me or isn’t He. Nothing seems to be falling into place. I am not having time to do something.” Well, duh I need to make some sacrifice to make it happen and it isn’t going to be easy.

THE BACK STORY … Growing up I always heard how if it was Gods plan everything would just fall into place. Well, that is not entirely true. Yes, God will open and close doors, but He needs you to travel the path to get to the door AND you need to open it. Or you need to acknowledge the door is closed and seek out the one He desires for you to open. The journey to those open doors will include sacrifice.

What is strange for me about this is that I KNEW all is from experience. When we decided I was going to stay home we had to make a sacrifice of a second income. When we decided to homeschool we had to make more sacrifices to put money into curriculum, learn to live with a messy home, my own time would be consumed by kids, etc. When I say this to you I can honestly say there are hard days, but the good and great days far out weighed the bad and instead of sacrifice it is blessing. So, why I did not see that sacrifice would need to be made in this next phase or direction He was leading us? I have no idea. Well, actually maybe because I never thought ahead about any of those previous decisions. They were just what we were going to do and we never looked at any of it as a sacrifice. Where as this time around I know it needs to be done, but I am feeling the struggle much more than before.

It feels good when you head in the right direction and when there are struggles God gives you affirmation that you are on the right path, He is with you, and He will get you through it. JUST TRUST HIM. I have been fortunate to have a group of amazing ladies praying for me and feeding me with encouragement through this. Then I have had some crazy random Holy Spirit FILLED moments that SHOUTED I was doing the right thing. Including writing this post, I finished typing the rough draft last night, this morning I woke up to the below photo shared by Molly Green and knew I was still on the right path. So, now I set editing, which is funny since I am HORRIBLE at that, and adding in links to BEAUTIFUL people you should check out for some of your own encouragement.

molly-green

So, is God calling you? Are you listening to God? One part of knowing is if it will require you to make a sacrifice. If you aren’t hearing Him maybe check yourself for blind spots…things in your life, up bringing, thought patterns, etc that are keeping you from reaching out to Him. Find someone that can help you sort through it all…journal to Him.

NOTE: I am NOT an affiliate with any of the above people, companies, etc. I just love them and want to share them with you AND they are apart of the reason I had a wonderful light bulb moment. Also, here is a link to Father Joe’s column in Faith Magazine.

Finding Purpose Again

There was a time in my life when I was too young to even care about my purpose in being here. Then came the time that I became a teacher and everything changed. I knew from the first day in a classroom that I was to be a teacher.

Oh, my heart filled up with joy and pain when I was in the classroom. Sure I had a life and another purpose that superseded being a teacher and it was being a wife. Eventually, becoming a mom interfered as well. Yet, what I am talking about is that purpose that somewhere inside of you … you just know you are meant to be there in that place. That is how I felt about teaching. Well, shoot when my babies started I arriving I knew I was supposed to be home with them, but what I wasn’t prepared for what that sense of purpose was gone. That feeling I felt when I was teaching … was … well gone.

I know…I know some of you are thinking “Well, you are a Mom now THAT is your purpose!” I am here to tell you that my head and my heart KNEW God wanted me home, but something in my being wasn’t grasping the idea that being a Mom was a purpose. Maybe I am slow. I remember PLEADING with God to show me my purpose.

Lord please show me what my purpose is here! Help me! I am feeling so misplaced, lost, confused, inadequate, I can do more than this,  … 

I recall within days of finally truly PLEADING with Him that I was at my computer and the radio was on Family Life Radio when this song came on about a busy Mom and all the seemingly mundane things we do … and … well … I sat there and cried as I heard him say it matters. Then shortly after that hearing the words “God could have chosen anyone to be their Mom, but He didn’t … He chose you!” THIS….THIS was the beginning of me seeing His plan for me.

See it isn’t as much about feeling purpose as it is rather about allowing Him to work each day through you to achieve purpose. 

That realization came to me through a series of little moments…a movie called Mom’s Night Out, which is where I heard AGAIN that God chose me, books, watching our kids grow and interact with others, SLOWING down my pace to hear Him, and learning to wait on my Lord. Tonight though was the first time I wrote it out like that in bold print and I am crying now as it really becomes even more real to me. Sharing with you all ALWAYS brings something new to light.

“We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

See it is called according to His purpose. My hang up was in thinking that His purpose wasn’t great or grandeur enough. He has placed a dream in my heart and I am sure one day I will see it come true. Yet, each day He leads my steps to His purpose for that day and eventually one step at a time all the steps will come together. Just like now I can look back and see how EVERYTHING good and bad has gotten me here, I am sure I will look back then and see exactly the same thing. Probably how my crazy random blogging was a part of something even greater to come.

So, if you are struggling with being a Mom and finding your purpose please know He is working HIS purpose through you in each moment. For now He needs you to allow Him to work through you. Right? Or Wrong?

I am praying for you! Please pray for me!

A Moment

Just a moment can change your life. Everyone has defining moments. What are yours? Have you put them in perspective? Have you allowed them to define your life or you? Have you let them moment consume you?

See some people think that allowing a moment define you or your life means that you have allowed yourself to dwell on that moment. Not at all…dwelling on or living in means you have parked yourself in that moment. Having a defining moment or several moments means that you have experienced the moment to its fullest good or bad, then you have allowed God to use that moment to move you where He needed to move you. Have you felt God move you?

I have, but most of the time it is when I look back and I see that He moved me. When you are in a moment many times it can be so consuming that you might know He is there, but you simply do not know or feel Him working until time has past and you can look back.

Moments that forever change the way you look at or understand pretty much everything around you.

Moments that forever change the way you love people.

Moments that forever change what you believe to be true.

Moments that forever change the look in your eyes.

Moments that forever change things like what you read, eat, watch, etc.

Moments that forever change where you live.

Moments that change YOU and YOUR perspective…view of YOUR world.

My moments have made me the me I am today. My moments drive me and I feel God behind the wheel as He turns those moments…those defining moments…into something He is using for His plan.

So, look at your defining moments, leave them as the moment, and FEEL HIM working them for good.

Please Pray for me I am praying for you.

 

In Weakness Is Strength

Dear Lord,

As you know I have been having a recurring dream that I am pretty sure is your way of communicating with that part of me that is hidden from my conscious mind, from my will, from my own fears and doubts, and from my insecurities. I am pretty sure you a revealing some very powerful and awesome things. Yet, we still have some work to do. The amazing thing though is that I have already learned a great deal about myself and have grown tremendously in my faith in the gifts you have given me. I am just not sure yet where you are leading me. Until then the most powerful thing that I am working on I found in your word and then a dear friend in a completely random message the next day said to me

“He helps us in our weaknesses!”

and the verse the night before that struck me and became the subject of my journal post that night about was

“Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ, for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:10

I get it that of course I am weak. I get it that of course there will be days filled with more than I can handle. I get it that though it is more than I can handle YOU, YOU MY LORD, are always there next to me holding my hand, leading me, maybe even carrying me. I am weak, but because of you next to me I AM STRONG. 

Lord, I am pretty sure most Moms and probably Dads feel weak ALL THE TIME…please Lord help them to feel You and feel STRONG with You. Help us when we are crying as we wash the dishes. Help us when as we are folding laundry we are wondering if anyone appreciates how neatly we do this tedious job. Help us when we pull away from the house feeling horribly guilty for going to work, taking a break time, or doing anything without them. Help us when we are on our knees completely lost and can’t hear You. Help us when we are so angry we raise a hand. PLEASE stop the hand! Help us when we are so tired we go about the day in a complete fog. Help us when we are sick with nobody to help us take care of them. Lord…help us … when we are weak to KNOW we are STRONG because in every moment you are there waiting for us to call on You.

I am weak everyday. I am stronger in my weakness. Kelly

 

I am praying for you please pray for me…for weakness as that is where there is strength.

March 3, 2016 – Dear God

Dear God it is me a Mom,

The past week Lord it seems one thing after another brings me to (as my Mom used to the) “the end of my rope”. Though I know I my heart I am NO WHERE close to the end of my rope my head is just plain feels out of options.

No matter where I turn there are toys and You Lord created me to dislike mess … why did you give me four kids to home school when I DO NOT LIKE MESS? Ha the irony in that! I love my life I am abundantly blessed. You know my heart I would NEVER exchange a clean house for no kids…OMGOODNESS what a horrifying thought. Thank You for flipping a switch for me yesterday in how to better manage chores for our family. I think it will work out great!

It seems like every time I turn around somebody is coughing or has a runny nose. Lord, please let it be that discovering the food allergies eliminates this problem. Thank You for leading us down that path. Please continue to help us eat right and healthy. Oh, and could you please help the kids to feel so much better they stop being so devastated by this?? It is hard for a Mom you know to be sick and take care of sick kids. I know you are a Dad and not a Mom so maybe you do not know this…sorry Lord I am being sarcastic with you. I know with all I am you treasure us all especially us Moms.

I know in my heart you are carrying me through everything. Most of the time I feel you, but other times like now I have to write you a letter with tears in my eyes to sort through it all with your help. You know “they” say talking things out is always better than keeping them bottled up. So, we are talking things out and I know you have the time!

Lord, I know you called…lead (called is odd to some people you know) me to home school our children. Again I know that in my whole being! I can look back over the past 6 years and completely understand why. YET>>>>Man God strong-willed children, a strong-willed Mom AND dyslexia nothing like bringing the Mom to her knees EVERYDAY! Hearing the frustration in their voices. Listening to them struggle with the words and calculations. Watching them trying to write letters and numbers. That is one thing, but hearing them scream and cry AT ME … Lord promise me we will get through this! Promise me they will not hate me for getting them through this the best way I know how. Lord, HELP THEM TO SEE the progress they are making!! Lord, please help them to grow into wonderful beautiful grateful adults. Lord, please just help me hold on to the peaks to get through the valleys…or help me to see the beauty in the valleys. Yes, help me to see the beauty of the valleys!

AHHHHHhhhhh…..feeling better Lord … Ya know Lord I am sure I am not the only Mom struggling with it all PLEASE lift them up, too. Help them to know I am walking their walk and with You we will get through it all. I hope they know they can talk to You, too. You are tough you can take it, right?!

Sometimes though Lord a HUG would be really good…can You help us to feel Your hugs during the day? We know you give them, but open our hearts to FEEL them!

WOW….I needed this cry! Thank You Lord for listening! Amen. Love this Mom!

FINAL THOUGHTS to reader…like I said I would be sharing my thoughts and this is how I journal on a daily basis. I record our day in the form of a prayer or conversation with God. It helps me sort through it all and to hear Him. Setting grammar, spelling, punctuation aside I write/type. So, you get the raw version.  My Prayer for you is that you learn to just talk to Him I think that is what He wants more than anything.