Who, But God Knew — Part 4

I thought is was fitting to finish this story on our #4 baby’s 3rd Birthday.

This might be the hardest part of the story for me because the time before her birth was a very difficult time for us. Financially things were not easy and many people judged us for me not  finding a job while he was laid off and for choosing to home school. Though the hardest part was how to pay the bills.

In 2011 I went to my routine doctors appointment and found out I was pregnant, but had also started my cycle. It was a the first time in my life that I could get some understanding of what some may feel when the choose to have an abortion. NO WAY was that an option, but I was horrified to tell my husband, who did not want anymore kids. Not because he wouldn’t love more, but because … well… we were struggling. Plus, he was ready to have the kids getting to an age that maybe he and I could get more alone time. I can not share what happened between us when I told him as it is very personal. Lets just say God was with us because we needed Him. I did lose that baby and the whole time was very emotional. It was miscarriage number 5 and in some ways the hardest.

Almost one year later I became pregnant again and yes it was not received well. Yet, as I keep track of my temperatures and ovulation this month it was 4 days earlier that ever before. This was truly God taking control of what is His to control not ours. The next three months were a very lonely and quiet three months. I was extremely fatigued like I have never felt before. I was sick, but nothing extreme. At twelve weeks we told the kids they were going to have a baby brother or sister. Oh man were they excited and picking names already. The rest of the world the found out…when I shared on Facebook. With the rest of the world excited our world started to change as the date drew closer.

On April 9, 2013 she was born in a dramatic fashion as #1 and #2 were and has been dramatically been bring joy into our world ever since. She is a wise soul. She seems to always just know. Her mannerisms are beyond her years. Her character is always bringing a smile to someone’s face. AND she has her Daddy wrapped around her finger. Oh, who is kidding who…her WHOLE hand. Her older siblings several times have wished they could stop her from growing up so they could snuggle her forever. Our family was not complete without her and Who, but God Knew….

In Weakness Is Strength

Dear Lord,

As you know I have been having a recurring dream that I am pretty sure is your way of communicating with that part of me that is hidden from my conscious mind, from my will, from my own fears and doubts, and from my insecurities. I am pretty sure you a revealing some very powerful and awesome things. Yet, we still have some work to do. The amazing thing though is that I have already learned a great deal about myself and have grown tremendously in my faith in the gifts you have given me. I am just not sure yet where you are leading me. Until then the most powerful thing that I am working on I found in your word and then a dear friend in a completely random message the next day said to me

“He helps us in our weaknesses!”

and the verse the night before that struck me and became the subject of my journal post that night about was

“Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ, for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:10

I get it that of course I am weak. I get it that of course there will be days filled with more than I can handle. I get it that though it is more than I can handle YOU, YOU MY LORD, are always there next to me holding my hand, leading me, maybe even carrying me. I am weak, but because of you next to me I AM STRONG. 

Lord, I am pretty sure most Moms and probably Dads feel weak ALL THE TIME…please Lord help them to feel You and feel STRONG with You. Help us when we are crying as we wash the dishes. Help us when as we are folding laundry we are wondering if anyone appreciates how neatly we do this tedious job. Help us when we pull away from the house feeling horribly guilty for going to work, taking a break time, or doing anything without them. Help us when we are on our knees completely lost and can’t hear You. Help us when we are so angry we raise a hand. PLEASE stop the hand! Help us when we are so tired we go about the day in a complete fog. Help us when we are sick with nobody to help us take care of them. Lord…help us … when we are weak to KNOW we are STRONG because in every moment you are there waiting for us to call on You.

I am weak everyday. I am stronger in my weakness. Kelly

 

I am praying for you please pray for me…for weakness as that is where there is strength.