A Moment

Just a moment can change your life. Everyone has defining moments. What are yours? Have you put them in perspective? Have you allowed them to define your life or you? Have you let them moment consume you?

See some people think that allowing a moment define you or your life means that you have allowed yourself to dwell on that moment. Not at all…dwelling on or living in means you have parked yourself in that moment. Having a defining moment or several moments means that you have experienced the moment to its fullest good or bad, then you have allowed God to use that moment to move you where He needed to move you. Have you felt God move you?

I have, but most of the time it is when I look back and I see that He moved me. When you are in a moment many times it can be so consuming that you might know He is there, but you simply do not know or feel Him working until time has past and you can look back.

Moments that forever change the way you look at or understand pretty much everything around you.

Moments that forever change the way you love people.

Moments that forever change what you believe to be true.

Moments that forever change the look in your eyes.

Moments that forever change things like what you read, eat, watch, etc.

Moments that forever change where you live.

Moments that change YOU and YOUR perspective…view of YOUR world.

My moments have made me the me I am today. My moments drive me and I feel God behind the wheel as He turns those moments…those defining moments…into something He is using for His plan.

So, look at your defining moments, leave them as the moment, and FEEL HIM working them for good.

Please Pray for me I am praying for you.

 

Who, But God Knew — Part 4

I thought is was fitting to finish this story on our #4 baby’s 3rd Birthday.

This might be the hardest part of the story for me because the time before her birth was a very difficult time for us. Financially things were not easy and many people judged us for me not  finding a job while he was laid off and for choosing to home school. Though the hardest part was how to pay the bills.

In 2011 I went to my routine doctors appointment and found out I was pregnant, but had also started my cycle. It was a the first time in my life that I could get some understanding of what some may feel when the choose to have an abortion. NO WAY was that an option, but I was horrified to tell my husband, who did not want anymore kids. Not because he wouldn’t love more, but because … well… we were struggling. Plus, he was ready to have the kids getting to an age that maybe he and I could get more alone time. I can not share what happened between us when I told him as it is very personal. Lets just say God was with us because we needed Him. I did lose that baby and the whole time was very emotional. It was miscarriage number 5 and in some ways the hardest.

Almost one year later I became pregnant again and yes it was not received well. Yet, as I keep track of my temperatures and ovulation this month it was 4 days earlier that ever before. This was truly God taking control of what is His to control not ours. The next three months were a very lonely and quiet three months. I was extremely fatigued like I have never felt before. I was sick, but nothing extreme. At twelve weeks we told the kids they were going to have a baby brother or sister. Oh man were they excited and picking names already. The rest of the world the found out…when I shared on Facebook. With the rest of the world excited our world started to change as the date drew closer.

On April 9, 2013 she was born in a dramatic fashion as #1 and #2 were and has been dramatically been bring joy into our world ever since. She is a wise soul. She seems to always just know. Her mannerisms are beyond her years. Her character is always bringing a smile to someone’s face. AND she has her Daddy wrapped around her finger. Oh, who is kidding who…her WHOLE hand. Her older siblings several times have wished they could stop her from growing up so they could snuggle her forever. Our family was not complete without her and Who, but God Knew….

In Weakness Is Strength

Dear Lord,

As you know I have been having a recurring dream that I am pretty sure is your way of communicating with that part of me that is hidden from my conscious mind, from my will, from my own fears and doubts, and from my insecurities. I am pretty sure you a revealing some very powerful and awesome things. Yet, we still have some work to do. The amazing thing though is that I have already learned a great deal about myself and have grown tremendously in my faith in the gifts you have given me. I am just not sure yet where you are leading me. Until then the most powerful thing that I am working on I found in your word and then a dear friend in a completely random message the next day said to me

“He helps us in our weaknesses!”

and the verse the night before that struck me and became the subject of my journal post that night about was

“Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ, for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:10

I get it that of course I am weak. I get it that of course there will be days filled with more than I can handle. I get it that though it is more than I can handle YOU, YOU MY LORD, are always there next to me holding my hand, leading me, maybe even carrying me. I am weak, but because of you next to me I AM STRONG. 

Lord, I am pretty sure most Moms and probably Dads feel weak ALL THE TIME…please Lord help them to feel You and feel STRONG with You. Help us when we are crying as we wash the dishes. Help us when as we are folding laundry we are wondering if anyone appreciates how neatly we do this tedious job. Help us when we pull away from the house feeling horribly guilty for going to work, taking a break time, or doing anything without them. Help us when we are on our knees completely lost and can’t hear You. Help us when we are so angry we raise a hand. PLEASE stop the hand! Help us when we are so tired we go about the day in a complete fog. Help us when we are sick with nobody to help us take care of them. Lord…help us … when we are weak to KNOW we are STRONG because in every moment you are there waiting for us to call on You.

I am weak everyday. I am stronger in my weakness. Kelly

 

I am praying for you please pray for me…for weakness as that is where there is strength.

March 3, 2016 – Dear God

Dear God it is me a Mom,

The past week Lord it seems one thing after another brings me to (as my Mom used to the) “the end of my rope”. Though I know I my heart I am NO WHERE close to the end of my rope my head is just plain feels out of options.

No matter where I turn there are toys and You Lord created me to dislike mess … why did you give me four kids to home school when I DO NOT LIKE MESS? Ha the irony in that! I love my life I am abundantly blessed. You know my heart I would NEVER exchange a clean house for no kids…OMGOODNESS what a horrifying thought. Thank You for flipping a switch for me yesterday in how to better manage chores for our family. I think it will work out great!

It seems like every time I turn around somebody is coughing or has a runny nose. Lord, please let it be that discovering the food allergies eliminates this problem. Thank You for leading us down that path. Please continue to help us eat right and healthy. Oh, and could you please help the kids to feel so much better they stop being so devastated by this?? It is hard for a Mom you know to be sick and take care of sick kids. I know you are a Dad and not a Mom so maybe you do not know this…sorry Lord I am being sarcastic with you. I know with all I am you treasure us all especially us Moms.

I know in my heart you are carrying me through everything. Most of the time I feel you, but other times like now I have to write you a letter with tears in my eyes to sort through it all with your help. You know “they” say talking things out is always better than keeping them bottled up. So, we are talking things out and I know you have the time!

Lord, I know you called…lead (called is odd to some people you know) me to home school our children. Again I know that in my whole being! I can look back over the past 6 years and completely understand why. YET>>>>Man God strong-willed children, a strong-willed Mom AND dyslexia nothing like bringing the Mom to her knees EVERYDAY! Hearing the frustration in their voices. Listening to them struggle with the words and calculations. Watching them trying to write letters and numbers. That is one thing, but hearing them scream and cry AT ME … Lord promise me we will get through this! Promise me they will not hate me for getting them through this the best way I know how. Lord, HELP THEM TO SEE the progress they are making!! Lord, please help them to grow into wonderful beautiful grateful adults. Lord, please just help me hold on to the peaks to get through the valleys…or help me to see the beauty in the valleys. Yes, help me to see the beauty of the valleys!

AHHHHHhhhhh…..feeling better Lord … Ya know Lord I am sure I am not the only Mom struggling with it all PLEASE lift them up, too. Help them to know I am walking their walk and with You we will get through it all. I hope they know they can talk to You, too. You are tough you can take it, right?!

Sometimes though Lord a HUG would be really good…can You help us to feel Your hugs during the day? We know you give them, but open our hearts to FEEL them!

WOW….I needed this cry! Thank You Lord for listening! Amen. Love this Mom!

FINAL THOUGHTS to reader…like I said I would be sharing my thoughts and this is how I journal on a daily basis. I record our day in the form of a prayer or conversation with God. It helps me sort through it all and to hear Him. Setting grammar, spelling, punctuation aside I write/type. So, you get the raw version.  My Prayer for you is that you learn to just talk to Him I think that is what He wants more than anything.

Why Homeopathy?

In my “Why Home School?” post I shared how in many ways I wasn’t sure why I wanted to home school … I just did. Same is true for why we started to use Homeopathy… I just did. Yet, there are the events that led up to our using this form of treatment on a regular basis. I can share that with you. Our why is in no way a recommendation for you and your family. Our why is just our story as to why we found this to work best for our family. Plus, it is all based on “controversial” evidence, which always leads me to tell people “Do your research and decide what is best for you and your family off of your own knowledge not what I do!”

Once upon a time we decided to start eating more organic foods and then more NON-GMO foods. During that time we were also becoming more and more aware of how dangerous fever reducers and other over the counter drugs were. We were also researching the side effects and dangers of vaccines. Keep in mind during this time I was full of anxiety and near panic wondering what decision was the right one. It was a horrible time for me I was living under a blanket of fear. I hated the thought that the next shot might lead to something horrible, but I also hated the idea of them getting some disease. AUGH….I was on a huge roller coaster of emotions. Both sides could say the other side was scary me and they would be accurate. The doctors scared me REALLY they did tell me horrible things while handing my a sheet of paper that listed the possible side effects for vaccines that I was choosing for waive until I could make a for sure choice. The other side had people that scared me of death being possible, which it is. I was tied up in knots and I am pretty sure this is the first time I am sharing with anyone how hard the decision was for me. I can say it is probably a very hard and emotional decision for most of the families that make this choice.

This is where my journey into homeopathy started. I knew I did not want to use drugs or vaccinate my children UNLESS I was forced to due to some circumstance. Yet, like many think of those that choose this route I did not chose this route lightly. I read a GREAT deal. I prayed a GREAT deal. I had lots of tears and panic attacks. Through all of that it seems like one step after another just led me to homeopathy. I do not even recall searching it out it is almost like it found me. I remember saying that I felt that the part in the Bible where Jesus tells us by His stripes we are healed that is was more than being saved…it was more than miracles…it was be Him, who is God, we are healed…I remember thinking how God goes before us. When God created this world he knew what situations we would have in 2016. Who are we to think He wouldn’t then create everything we would need to cure ourselves. All random thoughts flooding my mind. Not necessarily connected to homeopathy, but connected to my journey to find ways to help our family when we are sick instead of shots, over the counter meds, and over used antibiotics. I am not against using these things and would if we felt it was necessary, but I can say our home has been antibiotic free for 7 years.

We started with using remedies to help with teething symptoms. Then we added other remedies for cold symptoms. Eventually, I found myself reading about homeopathy and taking an 18 month course on using homeopathy in the home for acute situations. During this course I learned a great deal about how our bodies work in all situations. How the immune system was designed to work by our creator. How our body responds in a trauma situation. I came away from this class knowing WHY a clean body was the best and really only option. The thing with homeopathy though is that it is a lifetime journey. It is very individualized that it can be frustrating when you have a house for a sick people. Yet, when you see it work within minutes of putting it in their mouth…When you are in mid asthma attack and you take a dose every 15 minutes and feel yourself getting better each time…when those things happen you feel good knowing you USED the body as God intended it…you used the things of this world as God intended them to be used…to heal!

Again, I am in no way saying you need or should use homeopathy it was our choice and what has been the best for our family. I am not a doctor just a mom so you need to make that very personal and private decision for yourself and your family.

 

Oh, The Thoughts A Meme Creates!

So, on February 23 the below meme showed up on my personal Facebook Timeline via Hopkins Homeschool. I chuckled, shared it, and still continue to think about it. NOT dwell on it, but think about how silly and serious it is.

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Before we were even married I told my now husband I eventually wanted to be home to raise our kids. The thought of home schooling had not formed, yet. It took us 5 years to have our first child then another 2.5 years for the second one to come. At this point I was quite itchy to come home. He finally threw up his hands and said “Fine turn in your letter of resignation.” Looking back on the timing it was not good timing. I caved to my emotions rather than letting God lead, but ALSO being home has been a decision I know I have never regretted.

Yet, until the past 3 years it never really hit me to my job never ends. That is both a blessing and a struggle. When you are sick or like me battling adrenal fatigue and need lots of rest, regular exercise, a structured diet, etc. managing all that to keep yourself healthy and sane PLUS whatever four kids demand … well that is a struggle. The blessing is … “Being a stay-at-home Mom means you never have to leave to go to work!”

Now don’t get me wrong. MANY Moms and Dads both have to work due to circumstances. Many choose not to Home School so once their kids are in school they choose to work. Many love what they do and choose to work. For me though the best decision was to stay home. I was a miserable mess not being home and my former students will tell you I loved my job as a teacher and I loved them. God just placed a BIG HUGE desire on my heart I refused to ignore.

So, yes I never get to leave and this job requires my attention 24 hours 7 days a week, but even if my “boss” didn’t allow me some breaks it would still be the only job for me. Thankfully, though my husband is wonderful and never refuses me taking a break. A break I need to keep us all healthy and happy.

Final Thought…Yes I have many moments I would like to just punch out and walk out the door for a few hours, but the benefits package far out weighs the long hours. Besides this is one job that pays dividends for generations to come.

God Bless! Praying for you please pray for me!

What is Their Love for You Rooted In?

It has been a few days since I shared anything with you and I am sorry, but with our weather and a head cold I have been trying to get through the MUST do’s of each day.

The other day my husband and I were talking about a day we have coming up that two kids would have to be somewhere at the same time, but in opposite directions AND it is a day that he worked the night before so will need to sleep. We discussed a strategy, which will work out beautifully. I even talked about it with the kids so they knew what to expect that day.

Later that day I was washing a few dishes, looking out a window into our back yard, and like my mind always does it wondered into a stream of thoughts. You know the kind that take you to somewhere glorious, but when you try to share it with someone they are all confused as to why you were thinking about that and how in the world one thought took you all the way to that final thought…you know, right? ANYWAY, I was looking out the window (I will spare you the thought trail) when eventually it occurred to me “I hope our kids are learning about our love for them by observing the sacrifices we make and not because of what they are gaining due to those sacrifices!”

First of all, with four children and a Daddy that works 6-7 days a week so Momma can stay home (I just had to break to dress a Barbie doll…I knew you would want to know) there are plenty of events that both or at least one parent cannot make it to. Whether it be because we are both running kids somewhere, or one is running and one is home with the others, or one is working/sleeping, or as in the case of horse riding Mom is severely allergic to the barn and cannot go in. It occurred to me that dish washing day that I hoped our kids choose not see us NOT there, but rather chose to see all the other stuff. Do they see how much Dad has to miss, because it was important Mom was home?  I hope they grasp how much of his income goes to pay for the activities they are in. I began reflecting on this and thinking I hope they would grow up to love us more for that and not grow up wondering why we were not always there.

Secondly, I hoped they were not growing up loving the stuff Daddy’s money bought them, but rather loving the time it took to earn that money and loving the fact that he willingly choose to spend it on their desires, dreams, and passions instead of his own. Or are they loving the recital costumes or riding equipment rather than the Daddy that worked really hard to earn the money to buy those things. Are they loving Mom for being there every day for them or for the time she gives up being her own person so she can do what God called her to do?

So, I reflected on this and thought the only way to ensure that our kids are seeing and getting all this that we desire for them is to ALWAYS talk to them. We talk to them sometimes people are baffled by our choice to explain things to kids. You know “They are the kids. You are the parent. They should just deal with it!” mentality? For whatever reason, we do not always take that route. We tell our kids how it is. That it is not all about money, but money is needed to pay bills and such. That we are a family and families work together to achieve the family goal first and then the individual goals.

They may not completely get it. They may wish Mom and Dad BOTH could be at everything, but we are a part of a team … and that they get and respect. They know Daddy doesn’t CHOOSE to work every day of the week because he wants to, but because Mom and Dad want other things for the family that require Daddy to work. As a result, they do not whine about where we are. They never question why someone isn’t there. They are grasping the idea that we all work together to clean house, do laundry, and get everyone everywhere they want to be. It is a TEAM effort.

Final thought…Is their love for you rooted in the fact that you were there or is it in the fact that they know why you were not? Do they love you because you bought them that prized toy or because they know what it took for you to buy it? Do they love you because you are there at practice all the time or because you made it happen for them to be at practice? I think they should understand it both ways and love/respect you for it all.

God Bless! I am praying for you please pray for me!

 

Sometimes In Life…

Do you ever have a saying, song, words, or phrase that just rolls around in your head? Sometimes for an hour, a day, a week, or goodness forever? Many times it gets almost annoying that whatever is in your head playing over and over again just will not quit.

Well, for about 6 months now at completely off the wall and random moments suddenly I find myself thinking or even speaking out loud the words “Sometimes in life…” and that is just were it stops….nothing comes after this. Well, you can imagine at this point my INFJ Empath Learner personality is analyzing this and wondering what sort of message I am supposed to be getting with this. What is it that isn’t quite getting through?

  • Sometimes in Life bad things happen.
  • Sometimes in Life good things happen.
  • Sometimes in Life things are not fair.
  • Sometimes in Life people play and win the lottery.
  • Sometimes in Life we wonder where God is.
  • Sometimes in Life we feel so low we can’t image ever rising again.
  • Sometimes in Life our heart breaks into tiny little pieces.
  • Sometimes in Life we find a person to put all those pieces back together.
  • Sometimes in Life we can run and run, but we will never escape.
  • Sometimes in Life there is someone there to catch us when we fall.
  • Sometimes in Life …

So, on we could go, right? Maybe I just figured out at least one reason this is in my head and as tears come to my eyes I realize we are all in the middle of a “Sometimes in Life…” moment. For some of us it is a painful moment, some it is joyous, or for some it is mundane. We are all there though…together…or we have all been there…together. Yes, right now in this moment I believe God created “Sometimes in Life…” moments to connect us in a common sense of empathy.

Do not withdrawal from those moments. He needs us to FEEL each moment to enable us to FEEL it with someone else later. Empathy (funny I mentioned Empath above when this thought hadn’t occurred to me until now) isn’t about understanding someone’s emotion it is about SHARING IN someone’s emotion. Feeling exactly how they feel. I believe today not everyone has this ability and I believe it is because we stopped allowing others and our selves to truly FEEL the emotions as they come. Once we FEEL them we can let them go to God, but if we don’t they stay with us forever. They will forever be apart of us that is what enables us to feel with others, but they will not consume us. We will be allowed to move on to our next “Sometimes in Life…” moment.

Final Thought…FEEL whatever your heart and soul needs to feel.

God Bless! I am praying for you please pray for me!

Home School With a Block Schedule

I haven’t written about our home school world in a while or ever. Maybe because I never feel like I know anymore than any other home school person out there. Yet, I have come to let many things go and focus on the fact that those of us that home school do it our own way. We have our own lives, goals, family needs, needs of each child, etc., which we have to work into a routine to work best for us. It has taken us a bit of time because of many different things that came into play over the past 6 years. Seemed once I THOUGHT I had it all figured out something would occur…a new baby, a lay off, working from home, a different job or shift, etc.

Yet, I now believe that those past 6 years of learning how we work and reflecting on things I have read have led me to a state of PEACE with how we have been functioning over the past few months. Things are clicking for us in MANY areas of our home that it feels really good. I hesitate to share, because I think part of my frustration the past 6 years came from a sense that I needed to do what others were doing. Although, I also have taken pieces of what I learned as a High School teacher and pieces of everything I have absorbed as a home school Mom and applied it. With that said I suppose sharing may help someone on their journey.

Basically, during BOTH weeks we attend our Academic Co-Op one day a week and the other four days we do our Reading, Spelling, Handwriting, Math, and Co-Op homework each morning. Their homework this year is an essay, Geography work, and extra grammar or math review sheets. Then we have lunch. Evenings are pretty much the same each week as well. After we are home from their activities (dance, tumbling, horses, karate, scouts, gymnastics) and settled down for the evening we do reading/storytime. Each evening we read from a different area Monday is a Literature book, Tuesday US History, Wednesday is a book of their choosing, Thursday is World History and Map work, and Friday is poetry/Shakespeare.

During Week #1 our afternoons include our elective/hobby work and projects around home. We are also working to make sure all our appointments and play dates are done during this week. Things we do during this week are random home projects, yard work, cleaning the house, bulk baking and cooking (which the kids help with all steps), sewing, knitting, and anything else we want to learn to do.

During Week #2 our afternoons include studies of typical elective classes. These include our own

  • Geography work (2 lessons during week)
  • My son’s Scout badge activities (1 lesson/week)
  • My son’s religion work (1 lesson/week)
  • My son’s US History curriculum (1 chapter and activities/week)
  • Human Body Study/Sex – Ed/Anatomy whatever you want to call it (1 lesson each/week)
  • Language Arts which includes grammar, literature, and writing (2 lessons/week)
  • A Science experiment (1 lesson/week)
  • Science (1 lesson/week)

We do prioritize these as some of their workbooks are not a full year. Other things around the house take a back seat this week. We just maintain our world as we have 5 LONG full days of book work.

I have been feeling so much better knowing we are covering all our interests and all the things I feel they should be learning, but in such a manner that nobody hates learning here. We never feel overwhelmed and we are learning primarily through primary texts rather than textbooks.

Remember this is a system that is NOT perfect, but one that I have finally found works the best for the demands and structure of our family AT THIS STAGE of our lives. I am guessing in a couple of years things will change and require me to adjust AGAIN! All good as long as they are getting what they need.

God Bless! I am praying for you please pray for me!!

I Will Pray For You

I am someone that prays all the time. If I wasn’t talking to Jesus all the time in my little head and heart, then I am not sure how I would get through my day. I DO NOT SAY that to proclaim anything or to say I am a better than anyone. In fact, I know I am not better than and that I am imperfect so I NEED to pray. Yet, it seems when I tell people I am praying for them sometimes they get this glazed over look. I will not presume to know what each person’s glazed over look means. I am sure something different for everyone. Yet, for the sake of discussion lets assume some meanings.

First of all, maybe it is a feeling a “AWE”. They are feeling so overwhelmed with joy that someone is going to honor them by taking time to pray for them that they are just speechless and shocked with wonder. I am sure this is even more so when someone is in great need of prayer and isn’t afraid to admit it.

Secondly, I think maybe for some people they have never had anyone offer to pray for them or even with them. This happened to me once. I was never raised to just grab someone’s hands and offer to pray for them them. Yet, God has placed MANY people in my life over the past 20 years that do this without hesitation and it has rubbed off on me. So, maybe that look is a glazed over look from shock or surprise.

Thirdly, maybe that person is wondering “Why in the heck are you praying for me? Do you think I need praying for? Who are you to pray for me? You are a sinner yourself?” WOW…maybe all that, more or less, but I am sure sometimes the glazed over look is from them feeling insulted or offended. I suppose then their glazed over look is from them choosing to keep their emotions behind the glaze.

Whatever the reason it seems telling someone, that isn’t struggling with something and ASKING for prayers, that you are going to or are praying for them just sits funny with people. Do it anyway! People we all need all the prayers we can get. Plus, we all need to be praying for as many people and situations as we can. It is what we are all called to do. Sure we all have our own spiritual gifts and talents that God gave us to use. For some prayer is stronger. Yet, the ONE THING we ALL are called to do is pray and serve each other. What is the easiest or maybe for some the hardest way to serve one another….PRAY FOR THEM.

FINAL THOUGHTS…so if someone tells you they are praying for you just take it as them showing their Christlike Love for you. Accept it for what it is PRAYER.

God Bless! I am PRAYING for you PLEASE PRAY for me!