How to Take Charge of Your Anxiety

I am NOT AN EXPERT! I simply have a great deal of personal time with Miss. Anxiety and Mr. Stress. Ever have a migraine? Have tension in the neck and shoulders? Hmmm….grind those teeth or maybe a clincher like me? What about crazy fits of anger? Insomnia? Tears? Panic Attack? And the list could go on and on and on, right? How do we stop the ANXIETY????  I can ONLY speak for myself and to say I am still a work in progress and most likely will be until death.

First of all, years ago I simply started understanding myself. I read personality books and continue to read them today. Not only to understand my weaknesses, because I did dwell on those at great length as we must improve, right? Eventually, I am not sure what happened, but I realized it wasn’t the weaknesses I needed to change I needed to focus on using and enhancing my strengths.  Yes, we all have certain things we should change, but those are more bad habits or learned behavior not things the are core to who we are. Once, I learned about my strengths I started to use them to eliminate things that increased my anxiety level. This is something I still work at even today.  My number one strength is order and organization. When things go too long or get to busy and things are out of place I literally feel myself hyperventilate and begin to lose control. So, how do I handle this with kids with active lives. Well, I created spaces that are for them to enjoy their toys and crafts. Then I gave myself permission to set boundaries for them and myself. They can have disorder in their rooms and the basement. We restore order once a month and they must never destroy order in the rest of the house. HA…if that were always true life would be great.  It works most of the time, but let me tell you day 25 of 30 I am near losing it when I walk through that basement to get to the school room. Try allowing space for your kids, your mind, and allow order in those places you see all the time. Learn about yourself and pick that one thing that you are good at. I bet it is also that one thing that raises your anxiety level. Find a way to let go.

Secondly, I make lists this keeps me focused on tasks. If I don’t I have moments that I feel lost on which direction I need to head next…laundry, cleaning, planning, shower…hehehe yes I need to remind myself to shower. Life with four kids, home schooling, activities, gardening, and so on I can go a couple of days before my husband says, “Honey, take a walk and then a shower.”  Or I get caught up doing random things and then forget to do something important, which will bring on guilt and anxiety.  As I write that list I am in my head talking it through with God (more on that). I create a monthly project list and daily to do’s. I also have monthly folders to keep things put away so I do not think or wonder about them until I have to. You know everyone has that pile of cool things you would like to do with your kids at Christmas or a next vacation or a camp they would like. Well, instead of leaving them in a pile to sort through weekly or even daily I place them in file folders labeled by month. Then each month when I do our draw erase calendar, meal plan, etc I pull that folder out and sort through the things to see how everything works together. Some things I keep are even for a few years out. Then I am not worried about forgetting cool ideas for a birthday party or a gift. All this helps me, but I have to be careful not to get to caught up in things to do, which is why I talk to God about it. Let Him lead your day and that lifts all anxiety.

Next, I have this devotional that I love.  A couple years ago I was reading and came across part that talked about allowing God to lead through each day. This I always knew, but it hit my heart and soul that evening. It was freeing to know I could wake up each morning, give the day to God, and follow His lead. I have been pretty good about it, but have days, when like a friend of mine said, “When you have the worst days…the days that just feel like you are battling all day…then surprise the end of the day comes and you realize you were fighting for control all day. If I had just let Him take the lead it would have been a great day.” Yep, I still have days like that, but more and more of them are freeing days where we just go with the flow. It is wonderful and my kids have even commented that Mom has been more fun lately. That makes me happy. Let it go to Him. Let Him lead you. How? Just ask Him to take charge and WAIT, wait on Him to tell you what is next. It may come immediately or take a few minutes, but before you know it you are playing games, doing dishes, folding laundry, doing a science experiment, baking, and whatever He always comes through. Just go with it. TRUST ME everything does get done! That was and still is the hardest thing for me making sure things get done. I have faith in Him that He provides for ALL my needs even the time to do what needs to be done.

Fourth, is simple make time for yourself. Get out of the house even if just for a drive.  Maybe do some form of exercise. Read, journal, and pray. Watch a movie. I have learned that I need to balance this time with people and being alone. Some people NEED people others NEED to be alone. For me to recharge I need to be myself. Yet, I love to have friends and be around people. So, we work to have balance in our relationships and time. Alone time is good for shutting everything down and just listening to your own thoughts. To listen to Him.  MAKE that time for you.

Lastly, the latest thing I have been struggling with is holding myself back from God and all He has for me. How is this causing anxiety? Well, do you ever feel moved to do something, but just think you can’t? Then an inner battle occurs and carries on and on and on. All the while life is happening. I have really been focusing on letting go of fears, guilt, unforgiveness, ideas of perfection, etc. and focusing on where I am holding back or being “disobedient” to God and all He has for me. For example, just last night this verse was part of my Bible study and it brought this journey of letting go of anxiety full circle for me. Yes, back to square one, but so much further along in the journey than 10 years ago.

Here you go, “Beware that your hearts do not become drowsy from carousing and drunkenness and THE ANXIETIES OF DAILY LIFE [caps inserted], and that day catch you by surprise like a trap. For that day will assault everyone who lives on the face of the earth.” Luke 21:34-35

Back to letting go of everything. Each day that I HOLD onto something that keeps me from God it keeps Him from giving me everything He wants to give me that day. Holding on creates the anxiety. For me I have learned my anxiety is self induced. Is yours? GREAT! Then you can fix it!!

WHAT ARE YOU HOLDING ONTO? Like the song says “Let It Go”.

Thanks for reading. Please pray for me I am praying for you!

Making Family Memories

How many times as a Mommy or Daddy have you wondered if you were successful at making family memories? Or tried to make more time to do things with the kids to make lasting memories?  Or even desired more time so you could make those connections with family?

Well, I am here to tell you I can answer yes to all of the above. Not sure if you are familiar with the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, but after reading this I learned I was a quality time person. This I hope is self explanatory, but it basically means I show love and desire to be loved through spending time time with others. It can even be the time someone took to do something for me or think about a gift to buy me. With that said I am always focused on the idea of TIME with those I love. Whether you are quality time or not you may have family that is and they are desiring more time with you. Leaving you to wish you had more time to do that. Or wondering how in the world can you afford to spend more time with them. I will elaborate, but this is much more simple than I made it out to be over the past 10 years. Yep, took me 10 years to realize I was making family time very complicated.

Another reason I desired memory making time was that my own father passed away when I was seven years old. Over the years since that accident I sub-consciously drove my schedule to squeeze in as much QUALITY time with family as humanly possible. My definition of that was gatherings, vacations, events, in other words, BIG type moments. Sure I seen the value in the little moments, but something in me wanted more. Once our kids started arriving I immediately started thinking of all the vacation spots I wanted to explore with them. Oh, and when could we get that camper or cabin to make summer time memories. As time began to tick away I felt myself feeling guilty for not doing MORE with our kids. Sure we had taken them on some week long trips that I can vividly recall, but what about the other 51 weeks during the year. Okay there are the birthday parties and holiday parties. So, lets say the other 50 weeks we are making NO memories as a family, right? Dear God what will my kids have for memories someday when I am gone. INSERT GIGGLE … as I honestly thought and felt those things for a VERY long time. How stressful!

The change happened gradually as God revealed to me daily these little moments of Joy until suddenly the dots connected and I flash backed over thousands of memories made in our home, back yard, driving from activity to activity, bedtime, bath time, dinner time, etc. Spending time with our kids making memories is the easiest thing we can do and the cheapest. The problem is we complicate it thinking it has to be done a certain way or that money has to be spent for it to be a valued time. Or we ruin moments or let them pass by because we weren’t truly present in the moment.  Instead we were focused on the tasks that will be there tomorrow or YEP … the phone, tablet, computer, or TV. For me I wondered … Am I watching him practice his sparring or forms at Karate? Did I see that she FINALLY mastered that step in tap class? Yes, she completed a cart wheel! I asked my kids what their favorite family fun time is and they all replied that it was when we turn our favorite radio station up and dance like crazy people. How about how just last night they ran around the yard chasing firefly’s while watching for the three bats that were flying through the yard. Or even before that we made pizza’s on the fire and roasted marshmallows. Memories are made everyday. You just have to step out of the way of God and let Him show you how to love and appreciate the little moments. If you are not a quality time person, then it might be harder for you to realize that others need you to spend little moments with them everyday. Will we still do the big trips and have the big parties sure, but now instead of focusing on how we can’t do certain things I focus on the things we can do or are doing.

Time is what is valuable not the money spent of it. God Bless! I am praying for you please pray for me.

NOTE: I am an affiliate with Amazon, but I just had to write this as the whole thought came to me last night watching them chase those firefly’s. Besides the book is wonderful. Two others he wrote after that are The Five Love Languages for Children and The Five Love Languages for Teenagers. I must add I was at a conference last week and one of the speakers was a very powerful speaker and touched our hearts. He promoted this book. He told us over and over to appreciate the little moments and that we will never get this day back. Maybe he is why I seen the little moments and felt the need to share with you. Thank You Mark Mcleod for sharing your heart with us for two days. God Bless You!

 

 

You Are Doing What? Homeschooling Really?

Let me begin by taking a journey back in time about 20 years ago sitting at my Grandma’s kitchen table learning my Uncle and Aunt were going to home school.  I remember saying and thinking the very same thing I assume nearly every one says when they hear someone is home schooling ….”How will they learn to communicate with others?” Now I laugh hysterically loud at myself for being so naive and even uneducated about how people really learn to communicate with each other. Over the years I grew to stop thinking about home schooling at all.  In my mind it was just something some people choose to do to educate their children.  I do recall thinking the girls were quiet or shy, but never thinking that was due to homeschooling. I just figured that was their personality.

Now jump ahead to my 20-something years. I am beginning my public school teaching experience and associating with people that challenged me in my thinking of school, character, faith, government, etc. I began to have my heart and eyes opened to what I know to be the truth about a great deal of things. I had not really decided to home school my kids when they arrived; heck, I wasn’t even married yet. As time went on I just came to know home schooling was what we would do. Figuring out how to convince others that was the right thing is another story. We eventually decided convincing people wasn’t our job or place. Our role was just to let God lead us through this journey and He would take care of the rest.

Why are you homeschooling? In all honesty, I have never truly been able to answer that question with an answer that the person doing the asking would understand. Not that they wouldn’t get it or where … well, dumb, but because at first it was me just following my gut…my God’s leading. I really did not even know I was doing something so crazy. Why I was making waves in our small town … in our family.  Don’t get me wrong we did get some love and support, but mostly silence. I would wonder at times if it was really worth it. I would ask myself why? Again, I still can not verbalize why I KNEW we were to home school. I just KNEW it. Today I see, hear, and learn about our world about the state of so many things…I discover things about our kids learning abilities and I think “Oh, I get it NOW God! I see NOW why you led me … us into this amazing beautiful world!”

Today, right now as I am typing the 1st draft of this post in the Fall of 2014 at 10 pm, I have a full heart. I have a head that wonders if it is doing it all right. I am amazed at how the mind works. I am truly blessed to have read and discovered learning styles, multiple intelligence’s, abilities, etc before we found dyslexia. It has been a heart breaking heart warming tear jerking journey. That is another story. Yet, you know I still know beyond any doubt that home schooling is right for our family. With that said I also know that it is NOT right for every family. Could every family do it YES…”With Christ all things are possible”, BUT to be right one has to believe it is right NOT just do it. That is how I know it is right for us I believe it is God led.

Now it is June 2015 and I am editing the final draft. Nothing has changed, but do want to add that though I never question that I am supposed to be home schooling our kids I do question my abilities all the time. Then I thank God that I do not have to do this alone and that I trust that since He led us to this journey He will lead us through it. Thanking Him every moment of every day!

So, why are we homeschooling? Because my heart tells me so…..

Who, but God, Knew About Our Journey to Parenthood – Part 1

Who, but God, knew that on the day we learned we were expecting our first child that six weeks later we would lose our precious child. The next six weeks were emotional as a friend of mine, who found out they were expecting about the same time as we did, ended up delivering a healthy baby girl. They were emotional as I went to the hospital lab once a week to have blood drawn to test my HCG levels to make sure my body naturally rid itself of the baby. Who, but God, knew how this whole concept would plant a seed that over the next 10 years either destroy me or propel me. I truly believe He knew, but I also believe He sent Angels, He placed people in my life, He put me places to hear words I needed to hear, and He led me to the place I am today. He used everything and everyone in my everyday life to change me, but I have only arrived to this place today by following His lead.

Who, but God, knew that when we lost our second baby 8 weeks after taking the test that I would spiral into a deeper inner hidden remorse. Six more weeks of HCG tests, students having babies, friends having babies, babies babies babies everywhere, but quietly we prayed, dreamed, cried, and hoped. During this time we were involved in a business that many people judged us for and were even upset by the decisions we were making. Yet, we were growing and changing in ways only God knew we would. We needed to be there for the sake of our marriage and for the sake of my faith. Who, but God, knew that when He led one couple to this same business, when He led them to grow and speak from stage to thousands of people, that our friend would say one line that saved me. It brought me to my knees in tears and has since been repeated by me to others that have been touched. Who, but God, knew that “God never gives you a dream so strong to take away. Just believe!” would be the one thing I held onto that would eventually pull me out of my despair. I KNEW HE would bless us with a child.

Who, but God, knew that it would be 4 1/2 years of marriage life, of people wondering if we wanted kids, of sending two babies we never met, we never held, or named to Heaven, before we would learn we were expecting a baby we would meet, we would hold, and we would name. That pregnancy was one day of prayers after another. I think I was filled with pure joy and fear at the same time. That fear would have consumed me IF I did not trust that this time God was answering our dream. Who, but God, knew that when we held that beautiful boy in our arms that ALL Thanks and Praise went to Him and only Him. Then came the question of “how many kids do you want” came. You know after five years of waiting and losing two my reply was “As many as the good Lord give’s us.” I meant it with every part of me. My joy would not come from how many, but from Him. It had, too. I must add though that hidden still inside of me was a mourning for those babies that went to Heaven.  Another post about coping with miscarriage will come at the end of this journey.

I am concluding this with saying that my Journey to His deliverance from the bondage of lose, fear, despair, guilt, and loneliness was just beginning. Who, but God, knew they amazing journey the Momma would be taken on.  Who, but God, knew that people would think she was an odd ball for her passionate faith, for her decisions, and she would struggle with this as well. Yet, she had no choice to love the God that made her dream come true with that blond haired blue eyed beautiful boy.

If You Love

Like I have stated before, but will repeat I am not an expert on anything. I read, journal, live, and think about it all. With that said here goes SOME of my thoughts lately. This “love” thing keeps coming up in my crazy mind and here is just another piece.

I have felt greatly the divisions in our world, country, and church all of which make me sad, but also hopeful for change. I guess I believe that only the greatest change or good can come from the greatest pits of despair. I feel like we are in some pretty great pits of despair.

In Jesus’ last days He gave us this,

“I give you a new commandment: love one another. As I have loved you, so you also should love one another. This is how all will know you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”  John 13:34-35

We Christians, or most of us, know this verse. Maybe not memorized or even know the chapter and verse. BUT we know it.  Others know all sorts of history and theology about where exactly Jesus was when he said it and every detail surrounding the moment.

Stepping away for a moment, but bringing it all together…I hope….

My Grandpa passed away on Christmas Day. On the day we celebrate the Lord’s love for us when He gave us his son, part of my family lost someone we loved. Just like Jesus’ birth was a blessing hidden in a manger my Grandpa’s death was a blessing hidden death. A quote of his that my family seems to be hanging on to in his passing was part of a toast that he shared with my brother at different holiday gatherings.

“You live and I never die.”

This evening while asking God to give me the words to write a post that I really did not feel like writing all I had were these two thoughts coming together. Before I connect them for you and even for me I need to stress two things about the verses that never sunk in for me until tonight. The first is AS I HAVE LOVED YOU … He died for us…He lived everyday for us…He sought ways to express His great love. Can I love people that way? Strangers? My enemies? The second is IF YOU HAVE LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER. See people will know we are a disciple IF WE HAVE LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER.  IF IF IF IF WE HAVE LOVE. No other way. The way people know that we know Jesus is if we LOVE them. How we express that love is simply HOW WE LIVE!  There we have it. To continue please allow me to substitute in a word in the scripture.

*I give you a new commandment: LIVE FOR one another. As I have LIVED for you, so you also should LIVE FOR one another. This is how all will know that you are my disciples, if you have LIVED for one another.

Now Jesus used the word love and He of course meant to. By NO MEANS do I EVER think to understand or assume anything about His meaning. Yet, I can not help, but think that if the way to SHOW people we are disciples is to love one another AND if we are to LOVE one another like He loved us. THEN wouldn’t we also have to LIVE like He did? Not perfect lives, but lives of and about LOVE. To Love someone means to Live for them.?.? Yes?? Then “We love and He never dies”.

So, can I love another like He loved me? How do we live for others to show love for others?

Is it about “Merry Christmas”?

To me this is the season my family and most of my friends celebrate Christmas. I would guess most of us recognize the reason for the season is the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Does this mean that I expect everyone I meet to wish me a Merry Christmas? Nope. In fact, when I worked as a grocery store cashier for 5 years I proudly exclaimed, “Happy Holidays!” I knew not everyone that came through my line was a Christian and might be celebrating a different holiday. It was also a season that went from Thanksgiving to the New Year. Many things happen during that 5 weeks. I suppose maybe people were upset with me for not saying “Merry Christmas”, but I never thought about it back then. It seems like the past few years a great deal of attention has been placed on that.

With that said I think this topic is the beginning of something God has been stirring in me, but I have struggled with all the words. So, expect a to be continued….

I can almost pin point a time that people started attacking Christian beliefs across this country on a fairly regular basis. I can also recall the time when Christians started attacking back. It may not seem to either side that they  were/are “attacking” the other side, but more like “defending their beliefs” against attack. The problem is that to defend or be a defender means there must be an offender or offendee. I am guilty of this. We get very passionate about what we ‘know’ to be true and fight for that until, like my Mom says, “we are blue in the face.” Focusing on Christmas here, but think about it for just a moment….hasn’t there been a great deal of attacking the past…oh, 10 years or so…on many fronts?

I can not help, but think that in all our defending we have forgotten something. Both sides have forgotten something. I can not really speak for a non-Christian, but for me as a Christian when I defend my faith fiercely or even other things I believe fiercely I am attacking. Whether I intend to or not I am. I am attacking the person that disagree’s with me for believing something different than I. “Keep Christ is Christmas!” Love it myself. It is a true statement, but are we proclaiming it, shouting it, angry about it, or opening our arms to hug, hold, help, or heal like He did?

“Excuse me ma’ma. It is Christmas! Please say, ‘Merry Christmas’, rather than ‘Happy Holidays’ to me!”

Now I suppose HOW we say this may determine exactly how it is perceived, but in that moment were we spreading the LOVE of Jesus? Were we drawing people closer to Jesus? Yes, there is a truth we are called to share, but can we really share that truth spreading an “I am right” attitude? Maybe it is just me, but I feel we are called first to love each other and through that love people will find Jesus.

In no way I am I saying we shouldn’t shout from the roof tops about the GREAT LOVE that Jesus has for us! Yet, I guess I just think the best way to teach love is to show love. Jesus is my everything. By giving my everything Christmas becomes everything is was intended to be. It is not about what we say, is it? Or is it about how we say it?

So, to wrap up this portion of Love is it about the “Merry Christmas” or the Spirit of Christmas that matters? The sharing of coupons in line at the stores? The letting someone go ahead of you in line? The buying of someone’s dinner? Extra toys to drop in a box? Giving a homeless man a homemade hat, gloves, and scarf? Praying to the people cutting you off as you drive to stores? Paying someone’s bill at the auto shop? (These are all things I and other experienced this year.) I am hoping to get MUCH better about spreading the Spirit rather than focusing on whether someone gives me what I want when they say “Merry Christmas!”

Love….To Be Continued…

Praying for you all!

Lord, may this reach one person that needed to read it. Your Will Lord!

My Husband says “WOMEN”….!!!!

We have plenty of battles in our house.  No, not between the Mom and the Dad, but yep you guessed it between the kiddo’s!  Who makes the mistake of interfering?  Come on you know you all did at least once.  What happens?  Anything good?  My journey to self discovery and sibling relationship or rivalry has been a bumpy dirt road.

From the get go I desired my kids to be best friends. To hug each other. To love and encourage one another. Blah Blah Blah and pigs flew right??  When this did not ALWAYS occur and the knock down fights occurred I stepped right in.  Threw in my 50 cents. I even some how managed to take sides when I did not have all the facts.  Yep, can you believe that? Then I had a very pivotal conversation with a relative that shared how when her kids were young they would come running, screaming, fighting and saying “so and so did this to me”…”well they did this to me” and so on.  She then proceeded to discipline them or at least one of them.  Flash forward to today and she is explaining to me that at one Christmas they were home sharing stories and she was learning that she nearly always punished the wrong one. She said if she had it to do again, then she would let them battle it out. This was a light bulb over my head. A profound moment for me.  God using this relative to share a parable with me. I then recall how my Mom worked when we were young and not always home to interfere with our fights. We just battled it out. Did it hurt our relationship at all. Nope, now my brothers, with my husband, are my best friends. This thought was another light bulb moment that sent me flashing me back to my college child psychology class hearing “siblings that are allowed to fight when young are more likely to be friends as adults”. From this moment I realized this, they fight, I interfere, someone is punished, and five minutes later they are best friends. I am then left wondering “what just happened here?” Finally, I gave up even getting involved even when they are horribly mean to each other. Instead, I stand in the wings praying for peace…in my life 🙂 … no seriously I do ask God to bring them peace. It works!

A recent example of this, though I can share something from at least 3 times a day usually from the middle girls, I will share just one story. I am showering when #1 daughter is drying her hands with the towel when #2 daughter grabs the towel from her saying “I need it more! My hands are more wetter!” So, goes the battle over a towel. I standing in the shower; apparently, have not learned my lesson, yet, so I throw in my 50 cents about being nice to each other, sharing, etc. I get the usual replies “she started it”, “she is mean”, “I do not like waiting”, etc etc I finally gave up.  I continue to then wonder what am I doing wrong that they fight so badly. Then I recall my promise to not interfere, to let them battle it out, and pray.  So, what happens not 7 minutes later? They are walking through the hall nearly hand in hand headed down stairs to play Barbie’s.  SERIOUSLY….and my husband just shakes his hand saying “WOMEN!”

I can honestly say that I have been going strong now for 2 months on not interfering and things between them all seems better than ever. I am sure more issues will arise and as they get older the issues most likely will become bigger. We are prepared to interfere when we feel it is a most. I am not saying that this as an expert on parenting or even an expert on MY KIDS just that this one little thing has helped preserve SOME sanity in our home. Hopefully, adult relationships as well.

God Bless! I lift this up to God and hope it finds someone that needs a light bulb moment. Praying for you all!

DISCLAIMER: I am not an expert on anything except my kids and our home. Even then I am learning every day to care for them in the best ways I know how. Please to do not take anything as if I am a professional. I am just a Momma on a journey of her own. Along that journey I am sharing my/our story. My posts are meant to entertain and encourage others. Do not take anything and use it in your own life without proper research, prayer, and discussion with a spouse. I am an advocate for family rights to do what is BEST for their family based on their family’s individual needs.

 

Love Yourself Enough to be Alone

God wants you to know He loves you beyond any thing you can imagine, but even more than that He wants you to love Him so much that you can love yourself enough to be alone……hmmm…

POINTS to consider….when you are alone you think, you remember, you regret, you cry, etc…..

The above were notes I made of my heart thoughts when I was alone on my weekend retreat. I decided to leave them because I think that we all need to consider those points before diving into what someone else thinks or feels. I AM NOT A COUNSELOR BY TRAINING though I pretend to be one on TV 🙂 ha…seriously like I have stated before I am nothing more than someone on a journey like you. Maybe just ahead of you or a bit behind you. This blog will forever be about that journey and the crazy thoughts that float through my mind WHEN I AM ALONE. So, here we go…

I think a lot all the time, but I do not always HEAR my thoughts until I am alone with them. That can be very scary to me sometimes. I do not want to hear about how I yelled too much today or to loudly. I do not want to hear my thoughts tell my that my Mom was right the other day when she pointed something out. That is between us. My Mom still thinks I never she thinks she is right about anything…shhhh. What about you what are you afraid your thoughts will think about? Maybe about a memory, an unforgiveness, a regret, …

I go there, too. When a trigger happens and an emotion of any type over takes me. I remember the smell of my Grandma’s house when she baked fresh peach pie. I remember my Daddy kissing me before he left for work. I remember watching my best friend, my Uncle, die of cancer. I also remember my babies learning to talk, holding my hand, snuggling their fuzzy heads into my neck, or saying Momma for the first time. Memories are a beautiful thing good or bad they can bring us joy or break our hearts all over again. Kelly…why are the bad ones a beautiful thing? Why do I want to experience that broken heart all over again? Ya know some days I have no answer to that for my own self, but today my heart says we need sympathy and empathy for others and the only way to have that is to hurt ourselves. We must be hurt so one day we will be prepared to be used by God to be there for someone else. Well, that sucks …. until you are that blessing to someone then you will almost or literally drop to your knees and praise Him for the good He did through you. You will be beyond thankful.

When you are alone do you find yourself regretting? I do usually because I remember or think …. get it when we are ALONE we think and remember …we experience our life. Sometimes for the very first time. This is why we do not like to be alone. We do NOT want to experience it we just want to be left to move on through. Yet, the only way to really be all that we can be or were created to be is to allow ourselves to experience all we have journeyed. By experience I mean really feel it, be in that moment … it is powerful. It is when you may even for the first time notice your life change or your journey truly begin. Find time to be alone a little bit more. Even if you are alone with me here. … I am here….

For that one person God Bless You I am praying for you.

Please share you never know who may need encouragement. Peace!

Books are Frightening!!

I vividly recall watching our son over and over again RUN to his room screaming and crying when he seen papers, pencils, books, etc.

I vividly recall yelling at him or raising my voice at him thinking he was being lazy or just making excuses to avoid school time.

I vividly recall this with tears streaming down my face from shame or guilt that I have now let go of and now forgiven myself for. I mean come on I knew no better. We can only parent to the extent of what we know.

The pain I felt for him and his tears. I began to pray like I had not prayed in a long time for God to show me to reveal to me what was wrong. Halfway through his 1st grade year I SEEN it like I had never seen it before. I seen the “b and d” mix ups. I seen the confusion of words like “was and saw”. I thought, “Could this be dyslexia? God could it be?” Then I seen him struggle with his Math facts. “Help me Lord! How do I help our son?” I then started searching online and found check list after check list or symptoms or signs of dyslexia.  I remember just starring at the computer sobbing over the past year of pain he was in and the needless struggles we had. I sobbed over the relief to know, to finally know, that we could in fact get through this and LEARN.

I vividly recall the pain he physically had at the sight of a book. The FEAR in his face to even HOLD a book. The anguish I felt as his Mommy, who did not know where to start. Thankfully, I have dyslexia all over my family ..”Ha thankfully….that is funny!” … I could turn to them for wisdom. I turned to the internet for curriculum and reviews. I learned I, in fact, could teach him at home. I realized in hindsight that this was one reason God led us to this crazy world of home schooling. He would never get at school what I could give him at home. DO NOT ARGUE with me on this one you well may think you are right in your convictions, but I am his Mom and that trumps your convictions all day long.

So, where are we at today? Well, in fact we were at the Library today. Returning books and checking out new ones. Easy readers still. Not at grade level, yet. Reading Thanksgiving Day prayer in front of family. Standing up in co-op to read his essays that he is creating. We still struggle with spelling, but our math has improved. I say “we” and “our” because this is a family and we struggle together and share victories together. I as the teacher am grateful to know now what I know to help the younger sister with her dyslexia.

I vividly see him holding a flash light in his bed reading a book, as I feel the tears swell in my eyes, and feel my heart ready to burst with joy.

I vividly hear him asking to do more History, because he LOVES the stories.

I vividly see him beating the clock on his Math facts and asking to do Logic and Problem Solving sheets.

No he is not at what our government says is his grade level, but our boy has come very far and continues to improve by LEAPS and BOUNDS every day. Mostly, in the area that counts the most, his confidence.

Thank You Lord for leading my heart, giving my eyes to see, ears to hear, …. the journey continues.

Opening Up My Soul

I began setting up this crazy blog over the summer. I have been adding new posts (not publishing them) since then. I have been very excited about it, but also not very motivated to get these posts published.

I said, “Oh, I want to wait until I have some posts sitting in the wings so I have something to pull from.”

Yet, the reality is that this blog is a mission from God for me. Weird for some to maybe hear that, but it is. As I stated before, I have kept a journal for years. I am, as a friend calls it, an “outgoing introvert”. I have opinions that everyone knows, but my thoughts that come through my heart and soul those are MINE!!  Right?  Well, I have recently come to realize that many are not!  Many are meant for me to share with the world…HIS WORLD!

NOW THAT IS THE REAL REASON I HAVE PUT THIS DAY OFF. I am scared to open myself up to, NOT people that I have come to know oh the past 10 years…NOT the people closest to me…NOT strangers…WHO THEN??? Those people in the middle. Those people that have known me, BUT not this side of me. Yet, God is with me on this so HERE WE GO ON THIS WONDERFUL JOURNEY. Enjoy!

So, from this post forward I will be posting once a week until my life gets a little less chaotic we will gradually move to everyday. This week you will get two posts this one today and another tomorrow. Just had to do this one first. Expect an updated post on Sunday’s or Monday evening’s. Remember I am a writer from thought NOT an editor.

To the person God needed to hear any or all of this I am praying for you!  God’s Peace be in your heart!